Fanaa

Fanaa (Arabic: فناء‎ fanāʾ ) is the Sufi term for "dissolution" or "annihilation" (of the self) or Muraqaba. It means to dissolve the ego self, while remaining physically alive.

In the language of the esoterics: "Death before death".

I remembered flirting with the concept. Death was a real fear back then. Not only as a biological-sensory-feedback but as an ethereal concept. To be 'destroyed', to be 'nonexistent'. At some point my curiosity wins over my protective buffer, driving me ahead, forging the path through the concept.

Then there is no turning back.

In some way, I was reborn.